Image: fotolia.com. All rights reserved.

Just imagine:

You are at a huge conference, presenting your project to hundreds of people. Several cameras are following your every move, your performance is being shown simultaneously on the internet and of course to those in the hall and reception areas. You have been practising and fine tuning your presentation and text for weeks. Everything is going smoothly. The technology is working, you are keeping within the time and you receive the applause you deserve. You leave the stage, you are relieved it is over and go to the toilets. And in the mirror you see…

The dark red lip stick which should have been on your lips is on your teeth!

Is that not really embarrassing? And would you not have been eternally grateful had someone pointed this out to you before you went on stage? No doubt, the only thing now on your mind is who has seen it, what the people are thinking about you now and whether anyone actually paid attention to your presentation.

You leave the event through the back door and miss the reception and the after-show-party. And only because you did not have this one piece of important information.

Would you also feel like this, should someone say to you after 20 years of working life, that you are not capable of doing your job? That you make far too many mistakes and that one really is very disappointed with you? That one could actually manage without you? Would your world not collapse around you?

And would you not wish that someone would have given you this feedback earlier? At a time when you would have actually been able to do something about it and turn things around?

This is exactly why it is important to give other people ongoing constructive feedback and recommendations as to where they can improve – at work as well as at home. Of course this is not always easy, as many people automatically take offence, when they are (in their minds at least) wrongly criticised. And should the feedback not be carefully worded, then they have the right to feel wronged.

It requires a special skill, to give feedback in a constructive way, so that other people still feel good about themselves, at least in the medium term. Normally, one is in fact grateful on reflection even after a short time for the tip. The starting point, however, is the realization that nobody- including oneself- is perfect.

How to give constructive feedback, without hurting the other person, without demotivating the other person and without disappointing the other person?

Here are a few tips, which you can mix and match depending on the situation:

• Always ensure that you provide feedback within a secure closed environment: without witnesses, not on the go and not when you are under time pressure. Ensure that you are talking on the same physical level, for example sitting down, so that the person receiving the feedback does not feel like they are in a weaker position.
• Ask the other person, if s/he would like to receive feedback. Should the feedback be within the framework of a regular meeting, then introduce the feedback session at an appropriate moment and when it makes sense. Ensure that the other person knows it is up to them if they would like to receive the feedback and whether they wish to act on this.
• Always ensure that feedback is immediate. It does not make sense to collate all the feedback and provide this within the framework of your annual appraisal review. This could have a significant emotional effect on the recipient. Positive feedback should also be provided regularly, as it is a great source of motivation for many people.
• If something is bothering you, make sure you don’t wait too long before mentioning it. Otherwise, what often happens is that you will reach boiling point and overreact by throwing a whole load of issues at a person, which you may later regret.
• It is important to send “I-Messages”, that don’t sound accusatory. The statements should also be worded in such a way, that they relate to feelings and impressions. For example, you could say : “It appears to me at the moment, that you seem unable to concentrate very well. Would you agree?”
• Relate the feedback to the behaviour of the person, not to the person directly. Such as; “Your voice seemed very loud during your phone conversation with Mr. Brown,” and not: “You have a terribly loud voice.”
• Avoid generalizations such as “You always talk so loudly” or “You never put down the toilet seat.”
• Ensure your feedback is as specific as possible and always provide examples. e.g. “I felt that you were very aggressive in this morning’s meeting”.
• Use the “sandwich-method”. Start with something positive, use the critical issues as the sandwich filling and finish on a positive note.
• Illustrate the positive consequences for him/her, should s/he change their behaviour. Such as “You will be taken more seriously in meetings, if you speak louder and more clearly.”
• Ask the other person questions about the situation and how to change it: “What do you think is the reason for your behaviour” or “What would you need to do, so that you can change your behaviour?”
• Ensure that you always ask this question: “How can I support you?”
• Should the other person want you to, then you could make suggestions for improvement, such as “If you make notes before an important phone call and breathe deeply then you will be less nervous and will be able to talk in a more effective way with others.”
• Ask the person later if they were able to take the feedback on board or whether they require more succinct information.
• Ensure again that only the other person can decide, whether they wish to accept the feedback or not.

If you don’t know how to get the feedback you require and how to handle (negative) feedback, these 8 tips might help you.

And now to you:

What is your view on (negative) feedback? Do you like receiving it? Do you regularly provide feedback? How do you do it?

Share your experiences and provide tips in the comments section!

If you would like to know how to praise others and motivate, then read this article.

And if you would like a few tips as to how you can show appreciation at work, then click on this link here.

About the author: Gaby Feile has been fascinated by words since she was 5 years old. In Kommboutique Gaby manages to create lasting memories and compels people simply by using the right words. Find out more about Gaby Feile here.

Would you like to hear from Gaby on a regular basis? Then become a trendsetter and subscribe via E-mail to Gaby’s monthly “Trends for Friends” newsletter.

Image: fotolia.com. All rights reserved.

Just imagine:

You are at a huge conference, presenting your project to hundreds of people. Several cameras are following your every move, your performance is being shown simultaneously on the internet and of course to those in the hall and reception areas. You have been practising and fine tuning your presentation and text for weeks. Everything is going smoothly. The technology is working, you are keeping within the time and you receive the applause you deserve. You leave the stage, you are relieved it is over and go to the toilets. And in the mirror you see…

The zip on your trousers is open!

Is that not really embarrassing? And would you not have been eternally grateful had someone pointed this out to you before you went on stage? No doubt, the only thing now on your mind is who has seen it, what the people are thinking about you now and whether anyone actually paid attention to your presentation.

You leave the event through the back door and miss the reception and the after-show-party. And only because you did not have this one piece of important information.

Would you also feel like this, should someone say to you after 20 years of working life, that you are not capable of doing your job? That you make far too many mistakes and that one really is very disappointed with you? That one could actually manage without you? Would your world not collapse around you?

And would you not wish that someone would have given you this feedback earlier? At a time when you would have actually been able to do something about it and turn things around?

This is exactly why it is important to give other people ongoing constructive feedback and recommendations as to where they can improve – at work as well as at home. Of course this is not always easy, as many people automatically take offence, when they are (in their minds at least) wrongly criticised. And should the feedback not be carefully worded, then they have the right to feel wronged.

It requires a special skill, to give feedback in a constructive way, so that other people still feel good about themselves, at least in the medium term. Normally, one is in fact grateful on reflection even after a short time for the tip. The starting point, however, is the realization that nobody- including oneself- is perfect.

How to give constructive feedback, without hurting the other person, without demotivating the other person and without disappointing the other person?

Here are a few tips, which you can mix and match depending on the situation:

• Always ensure that you provide feedback within a secure closed environment: without witnesses, not on the go and not when you are under time pressure. Ensure that you are talking on the same physical level, for example sitting down, so that the person receiving the feedback does not feel like they are in a weaker position.
• Ask the other person, if s/he would like to receive feedback. Should the feedback be within the framework of a regular meeting, then introduce the feedback session at an appropriate moment and when it makes sense. Ensure that the other person knows it is up to them if they would like to receive the feedback and whether they wish to act on this.
• Always ensure that feedback is immediate. It does not make sense to collate all the feedback and provide this within the framework of your annual appraisal review. This could have a significant emotional effect on the recipient. Positive feedback should also be provided regularly, as it is a great source of motivation for many people.
• If something is bothering you, make sure you don’t wait too long before mentioning it. Otherwise, what often happens is that you will reach boiling point and overreact by throwing a whole load of issues at a person, which you may later regret.
• It is important to send “I-Messages”, that don’t sound accusatory. The statements should also be worded in such a way, that they relate to feelings and impressions. For example, you could say : “It appears to me at the moment, that you seem unable to concentrate very well. Would you agree?”
• Relate the feedback to the behaviour of the person, not to the person directly. Such as; “Your voice seemed very loud during your phone conversation with Mr. Brown,” and not: “You have a terribly loud voice.”
• Avoid generalizations such as “You always talk so loudly” or “You never put down the toilet seat.”
• Ensure your feedback is as specific as possible and always provide examples. e.g. “I felt that you were very aggressive in this morning’s meeting”.
• Use the “sandwich-method”. Start with something positive, use the critical issues as the sandwich filling and finish on a positive note.
• Illustrate the positive consequences for him/her, should s/he change their behaviour. Such as “You will be taken more seriously in meetings, if you speak louder and more clearly.”
• Ask the other person questions about the situation and how to change it: “What do you think is the reason for your behaviour” or “What would you need to do, so that you can change your behaviour?”
• Ensure that you always ask this question: “How can I support you?”
• Should the other person want you to, then you could make suggestions for improvement, such as “If you make notes before an important phone call and breathe deeply then you will be less nervous and will be able to talk in a more effective way with others.”
• Ask the person later if they were able to take the feedback on board or whether they require more succinct information.
• Ensure again that only the other person can decide, whether they wish to accept the feedback or not.

If you don’t know how to get the feedback you require and how to handle (negative) feedback, these 8 tips might help you.

And now to you:

What is your view on (negative) feedback? Do you like receiving it? Do you regularly provide feedback? How do you do it?

Share your experiences and provide tips in the comments section!

If you would like to know how to praise others and motivate, then read this article.

And if you would like a few tips as to how you can show appreciation at work, then click on this link here.

About the author: Gaby Feile has been fascinated by words since she was 5 years old. In  Kommboutique  Gaby manages to create lasting memories and compels people simply by using the right words. Find out more about Gaby Feile here.

Would you like to hear from Gaby on a regular basis? Then become a trendsetter and subscribe via E-mail to Gaby’s monthly “Trends for Friends” newsletter.

1. Ask for specific feedback on a regular basis.
2. Use specific situations, such as a presentation, and ask someone in advance to provide you with feedback after the presentation.
3. Do not justify yourself when you are provided with feedback.
4. Be clear that the feedback you are receiving is only based on the impressions the other person has of you.
5. Ensure that you realize that the feedback is based solely on your behaviour and it is not about your personality.
6. Make a conscious decision whether to accept the feedback or not and what you would like to change.
7. See feedback as a gift that will help you to become more balanced, well-adjusted, confident and ultimately more successful.
8. Thank your feedback-giver.

Do you know why constructive feedback can  be critical for survival? 

Find out here, if you are a man.

If you are a lady you can read about it here.

About the author: Gaby Feile has been fascinated by words since she was 5 years old. In Kommboutique Gaby manages to create lasting memories and compels people simply by using the right words. Find out more about Gaby Feile here.

Would you like to hear from Gaby on a regular basis? Then become a trendsetter and subscribe via e-mail to Gaby’s monthly “Trends for Friends” newsletter.

Here are the 8 NOT To Dos according to Jeff:

1. Checking your phone while talking to someone.

2. Multitasking during a meeting.

3. Thinking about people who don’t make any difference to your life.

4. Using multiple notifications.

5. Letting the past dictate the future.

6. Waiting until you’re sure you will succeed.

7. Talking behind someone’s back.

8. Saying “yes” when you really mean “no”.

You can read the full article including the detailed explanations on inc.com.

If you need some help in organising your priorities, check out this sheet I have created for you.

Most problably he had (secretely) planned that it went viral, as he cleverly included the web address of his new business Mr Cake.

This is so awesome and I wish him all the best for his business venture. I am sure he is pretty busy now.

Photo courtesy: www.mrcake.co.uk

No worries! There is a very simple rule that helps you to communicate effectively and successfully – in a friendly and positive way:

Next time you communicate, just replace “I” or “We” by “You“!

No kidding, it is that easy! And you know why? Because it is about giving other people a good reason to do something. It is not about what you or your company think, want or like. It is about what your customers, your employees, applicants, readers, fans, followers, your banker or the shop assistant want.

Just as Dale Carnegie writes in his highly recommended book “How to win friends and influence people“ (first published in 1937):

“Personally I am very fond of strawberries and cream, but I have found that for some strange reason, fish prefer worms. So when I went fishing, I dangled a worm or grasshopper in front of the fish and said: “Wouldn’t you like to have that?”

Consequently, there is only one method to influence people: to talk about what they want and to show them how they can get it.

Knowing this, you can tailor your communication to the needs of the people you deal with. By using “you“, people instinctively listen more closely, read further and tend to react – especially if you ask them open questions. So, you first need to create a desire in the people to do what you want them to do.

If you want them to buy your products or services, you need to put yourself into their place and think about what your offers do to make their lives better. If you yourself want something specific, like a job or a discount, clearly state which benefits your counterpart has.

If you apply for a job, don’t use “I, I, I” in each sentence. Instead, describe the advantages the company has when they hire you. Yes, you need to do some research, yet it’s worth it. Write for instance:

“Your company has grown tremendously within a very short time. To organise this growth and to adapt existing processes is a lot of work. While I worked in Change Management, I learned how to develop standards and how to communicate them in a way that employees understand and support. In the long run this leads to more effectiveness, less cost and a positive bottom line – also for (name of the company).”

If you need information from your colleagues in order to do your job, tell them the positive outcome for themselves. You could write:

“For sure you want to receive your salary right on time. In order to do so, please hand in the following documents by 20 March: …..” (By the way, using the word salary or money, particularly in the subject line, has proven to be a very effective bait.)

You can leverage the outcome if you create positive feelings, such as appreciation:

“Our client Mr Brown is very happy with your support. To make sure he stays that happy and recommends you to others, please clear his account today and send him the sheets by e-mail.”

Always remember: it is about them, not about you!

You do not believe this? One more question: When you look at a group photo that includes yourself, who are you looking for first? Honestly?

And if you still don’t believe it, have a close look at what your friends do on Facebook and who they usually talk about!

Over to you: 

What is your experience with this method? Which stories would you like to share here?

Want another simple method to influence people positively? Read this article about what every single person needs a lot and how to give it to them.

About the author: Gaby Feile has been fascinated by words since the age of five. With her company Kommboutique she delivers feel-good communication that creates memorable moments and attracts people using magnetic words. Get to know Gaby.

If you would like to hear and read from Gaby regularly, get the monthly “Trends for Friends” by e-mail and become a trend setter.